Well, I'm listentin to the Veronicas - Revenge is Sweeter at the minute which is where the title is from... I suddenly remembered that I had this that I use to write in when I became upset or started to think... So this is why I am once again writing a blog...
This morning me and my best mate were on messenger talking to each other when we got onto the topic of best friends being backstabbers. Ok it was my fault as I did bring up the topic from a book I'm reading where the main characters ex best mate tries to get it on with her ex boyfriend right in front of her. But anyway. We came onto the topic of how my best mate (different one) kissed my ex about a month after I had broken up with him and how my best mate I was talking to had been dared to snog him but she had declined it. my point was that even if it was just a kiss it still shouldnt have happened, but my best mate didn't understand why I was upset about it as I had already got another boyfriend and how a kiss means nothing...
Am I the only person who has been kissed by someone, no matter how quick, and it feels like the entire world has stopped moving and its only you and the other person on the entire planet?
Anyway, my current boyfriend also decided to have the 'talk' with me today. Not the break up talk like that, just the kind of like talk about how everything has changed... I've been with him 15 months week tomoz... how can neither of us have changed in that period of time? For a start I lost my best friend at the start of this year... well not as in she died, just as in our friendship died, and I haven't spoken to her since. And also, after reading over my previous blog entries, I have realised how my best friends haven't changed and how my main friend is , like I said, someone who I hardly talk to but I have known her since I was 5.
I'm happy now, and totally forgotten wtf I was writing... So I shall leave it at that =)
Adios
xxxx
Thursday 29 October 2009
Tuesday 16 June 2009
Finding things out
Well... found out at about 10 past 8 tonight that my Great uncle Jack died yesterday morning from leukemia. Apparently he'd been suffering from it for 2 yrs... yet I only found out about it on friday night *angry rant*. Also last week I found out that my Great Great Uncle George had died... He was like nearly 100 and that thing old people get... like amnesia but not if you get me. I have successfully forgotten the term for it... Anyway I only met him a couple of times. Still a family loss, especially when at my Grandads funeral in 2004 he only remembered my Grandad and his brother Ronnie as they are his nephews...
Hmmm... what else do i know? ..... A LOT!!!
One of the barmaids at work is 3 months pregnant and she just told me tonight!!!! HOw rude =P but love her anyway. Also my mate at work is having two operations on her toe coz one of the supervisors dropped a tray of cups on her foot and her toe got sliced open and infected, so she can barely walk. The supervisor is Russian, doesn't do any supervisor activities and also has a NAzi tattooo... Swatztika tattooed on his hand which he covers up with a blue plaster everyday as he can't have it on show whilst working as we ork at the Airport!!!
I won't embarrass anyone about what I found out about 20 mins ago so thats all I have to say tonight... I know we shall all cry until our hearts content.... =)
Over and Out =)
x
Hmmm... what else do i know? ..... A LOT!!!
One of the barmaids at work is 3 months pregnant and she just told me tonight!!!! HOw rude =P but love her anyway. Also my mate at work is having two operations on her toe coz one of the supervisors dropped a tray of cups on her foot and her toe got sliced open and infected, so she can barely walk. The supervisor is Russian, doesn't do any supervisor activities and also has a NAzi tattooo... Swatztika tattooed on his hand which he covers up with a blue plaster everyday as he can't have it on show whilst working as we ork at the Airport!!!
I won't embarrass anyone about what I found out about 20 mins ago so thats all I have to say tonight... I know we shall all cry until our hearts content.... =)
Over and Out =)
x
Friday 29 May 2009
Realisations and Revelations
This is really weird.
After reading and finishing the book Beautiful Dead -Book 1 Jonas by Eden Maguire. I began to think about my own personl relationship with my boyfriend and began to wonder how I would react if he suddenly died ... And then I had a reality check.
1. I can't imagine life without him - just too weird even if it has only been 10 months nearly 11 since I started to officially date the boy.
2. I depend on him way too much. Well not so much as depend... I just always have this need to hug him and kiss him and just be around him all the time.
3. If he suddenly came back from the dead in a zombie type form (ok read the book and you'll understand and you shall also cry) then I would not be able to say goodbye or help him find justice or peace. I'd just want him all to myself and to never let me go.
And ...
4. If he did die suddenly... then I would have nothing stopping me from taking my own life. (which happens in the book but not telling you who so read it!!!!!)
I know that 4. sounds really pathetic and clingy... but I guess that that is who I am. I mean I grew up thinking that my best friend was my best friend and that she would do anything for me... turns out that was wrong... Ditched me in yr7, and in yr11 when we were back to being best friends she did stuff with my boyfriend at the time. Also another of my best friends... well she stands back and lets me deal with shit on my own, like not even trying to help me out in a gang war, when its just me vs like 10 chavs. NOT FUN PEOPLE!!!! NOT RECOMMENDED!!!
But yeah, soon as she's in a fight that she didn't start, I jump in straight away to back me up. This isn't a once in a life time occurance. At high school I had about 10 people trying to just have a go at me, make me feel shit, make me feel so little. And guess what ALL my best friends did? Went and walked away... stood in another area and totally left me on my own. Least if it was one of them they could count on me to at least stand next to them whilst its happening, just as moral support if not to help out if the need arose.
Over the last few years... well months. I've realised something. Those who you think are your closest friends really aren't, it's those who don't talk to you very much, who manage to always make you smile when they smile. I don't know. I just guess that my defination of a friend is different to my own friends...
As long as my two best friends at the moment stick by me then I suppose I can survive...
After reading and finishing the book Beautiful Dead -Book 1 Jonas by Eden Maguire. I began to think about my own personl relationship with my boyfriend and began to wonder how I would react if he suddenly died ... And then I had a reality check.
1. I can't imagine life without him - just too weird even if it has only been 10 months nearly 11 since I started to officially date the boy.
2. I depend on him way too much. Well not so much as depend... I just always have this need to hug him and kiss him and just be around him all the time.
3. If he suddenly came back from the dead in a zombie type form (ok read the book and you'll understand and you shall also cry) then I would not be able to say goodbye or help him find justice or peace. I'd just want him all to myself and to never let me go.
And ...
4. If he did die suddenly... then I would have nothing stopping me from taking my own life. (which happens in the book but not telling you who so read it!!!!!)
I know that 4. sounds really pathetic and clingy... but I guess that that is who I am. I mean I grew up thinking that my best friend was my best friend and that she would do anything for me... turns out that was wrong... Ditched me in yr7, and in yr11 when we were back to being best friends she did stuff with my boyfriend at the time. Also another of my best friends... well she stands back and lets me deal with shit on my own, like not even trying to help me out in a gang war, when its just me vs like 10 chavs. NOT FUN PEOPLE!!!! NOT RECOMMENDED!!!
But yeah, soon as she's in a fight that she didn't start, I jump in straight away to back me up. This isn't a once in a life time occurance. At high school I had about 10 people trying to just have a go at me, make me feel shit, make me feel so little. And guess what ALL my best friends did? Went and walked away... stood in another area and totally left me on my own. Least if it was one of them they could count on me to at least stand next to them whilst its happening, just as moral support if not to help out if the need arose.
Over the last few years... well months. I've realised something. Those who you think are your closest friends really aren't, it's those who don't talk to you very much, who manage to always make you smile when they smile. I don't know. I just guess that my defination of a friend is different to my own friends...
As long as my two best friends at the moment stick by me then I suppose I can survive...
Wednesday 27 May 2009
Dreams and conversations
Recently I keep on having these really weird dreams. Like last night I went food shopping at asda for the family... which I never do so I have no idea why I dreamed about doing it.
Also I dreamn't last night that me and this guy who I know actually spoke!!! Let me explain... we talk forever on msn, he is like the only person who I talk to when I'm online, but we never speak to each other face to face, all we do is smile; really cheesy smiles at that!!! In the dream we were walking around somewhere - can't quite picture where, and we were talking laughing and giggling, just like best mates. I was so comfortable in the dream though talking to him, it was weird.
And I had another dream where I was in Harry Potter haha!!!!!! And I was playing Pansy Parkinson hehe. I am like in love with Draco Malfoy again! Hopefully I'm off to the premiere when I find out where it is... anyone know? =) and don;t say London LOL!!!!
Anyway, yesterday I was down at my boyfriends at usually, and he was allowing me to cut his hair... Big mistake really cause I cant cut straight! Anyway I got one cut and then this girl whose mates with his little sister came in and was like 'oh let me have a turn, I've been trained'. So I had already put the scissors down as I was combing his hair and she grabbed them and started chopping away at his hair. By the end of it (she only did the back) she'd cut is so high up he had no hair on his neck at all!!! It actually did look horrible and I do regret not stopping her - but I didn't know her and also she was saying how she was trained. However by the end of it all, she turned round and said that she's only trained in colouring hair but she doesn't have the piece of paper to prove it.
As his hair looked like a totally shamble, his mum came in, practically screamed at us all and then she got out the clippers.... and I nearly cried. Well I did in the end.
But yeah, my boyfriend had long hair that you could pull and style and do whatever the hell you wanted to it which I always found funny, and now he has a grade 4!!!!! He looks like this guy who went to my primary school and high school who wanted to be a chav. It's not funny and I hate it.
But yeah, later on when we were in my boyfriends room, after my boyfriend had taken a shower, I was just laid on his bed playing spider solitaire and everytime I looked at him I started to cry... and I'm even wanting to cry now at the memory. I feel so bad about it all and I never realised how much I loved his long hair, just not long enough so that he could tie it up =)
After this scenario there was another one with his two sisters and their mates. They started making sex noises from downstairs so that we could hear them... we were in the loft by the way as that is my boyfriends room. And we weren't doing anything at all, just sat and talking about the hair incident. And then they all went outside for a cig, so me and my boyfriend decided that we'd wind them up even more by making sex noises back but out of the window. This is when my boyfriend had the brilliant idea of throwing orange juice all over them. Now his oldest sister (who is younger than him) and her friend took it as a joke, even though we did get it all over her mate but she is the one who chopped off all his hair!!! But his other sister who is the youngest of them all didn't take it as a joke and took it one step too far and decided that she would throw water all over him and also all over his computer and break his xbox (thats a thought... I wonder if she did do anything to that?) After that it went into a yelling argument and by the end of it I just turned round and shouted ' Orange juice washes out within 5 minutes... You wash your hair every flipping day!!! Hair takes months to grow back and he looks a tit'. By that point all her argument was was 'so what?' which is typical of her as she's a little chav who says mush and bled and all that lil shitty slang that they come up with.
there was another scenario with his mum in the car when they were bringing me up home and she turned round and told us both how embarrassing it is listening to us when were at it... even though we're not we're just having a laugh and bouncing up and down on his bed like toddlers =)
Oh well, think I've written enough for today and I know I haven't blogged in weeks but I haven't had a lot to say...
Adios x
P.s by the way, in case your all wondering... M asked L about the whole scenario and as far as I know D doesn't know about it. And I have officially cut M back outta my life =) Where hopefully he shall stay as well as L and D. And also, I haven't quite forgiving my boyfriend about the january scenario but I guess I have to rebuild up my trust in him. Which as its me... will take months
x
Also I dreamn't last night that me and this guy who I know actually spoke!!! Let me explain... we talk forever on msn, he is like the only person who I talk to when I'm online, but we never speak to each other face to face, all we do is smile; really cheesy smiles at that!!! In the dream we were walking around somewhere - can't quite picture where, and we were talking laughing and giggling, just like best mates. I was so comfortable in the dream though talking to him, it was weird.
And I had another dream where I was in Harry Potter haha!!!!!! And I was playing Pansy Parkinson hehe. I am like in love with Draco Malfoy again! Hopefully I'm off to the premiere when I find out where it is... anyone know? =) and don;t say London LOL!!!!
Anyway, yesterday I was down at my boyfriends at usually, and he was allowing me to cut his hair... Big mistake really cause I cant cut straight! Anyway I got one cut and then this girl whose mates with his little sister came in and was like 'oh let me have a turn, I've been trained'. So I had already put the scissors down as I was combing his hair and she grabbed them and started chopping away at his hair. By the end of it (she only did the back) she'd cut is so high up he had no hair on his neck at all!!! It actually did look horrible and I do regret not stopping her - but I didn't know her and also she was saying how she was trained. However by the end of it all, she turned round and said that she's only trained in colouring hair but she doesn't have the piece of paper to prove it.
As his hair looked like a totally shamble, his mum came in, practically screamed at us all and then she got out the clippers.... and I nearly cried. Well I did in the end.
But yeah, my boyfriend had long hair that you could pull and style and do whatever the hell you wanted to it which I always found funny, and now he has a grade 4!!!!! He looks like this guy who went to my primary school and high school who wanted to be a chav. It's not funny and I hate it.
But yeah, later on when we were in my boyfriends room, after my boyfriend had taken a shower, I was just laid on his bed playing spider solitaire and everytime I looked at him I started to cry... and I'm even wanting to cry now at the memory. I feel so bad about it all and I never realised how much I loved his long hair, just not long enough so that he could tie it up =)
After this scenario there was another one with his two sisters and their mates. They started making sex noises from downstairs so that we could hear them... we were in the loft by the way as that is my boyfriends room. And we weren't doing anything at all, just sat and talking about the hair incident. And then they all went outside for a cig, so me and my boyfriend decided that we'd wind them up even more by making sex noises back but out of the window. This is when my boyfriend had the brilliant idea of throwing orange juice all over them. Now his oldest sister (who is younger than him) and her friend took it as a joke, even though we did get it all over her mate but she is the one who chopped off all his hair!!! But his other sister who is the youngest of them all didn't take it as a joke and took it one step too far and decided that she would throw water all over him and also all over his computer and break his xbox (thats a thought... I wonder if she did do anything to that?) After that it went into a yelling argument and by the end of it I just turned round and shouted ' Orange juice washes out within 5 minutes... You wash your hair every flipping day!!! Hair takes months to grow back and he looks a tit'. By that point all her argument was was 'so what?' which is typical of her as she's a little chav who says mush and bled and all that lil shitty slang that they come up with.
there was another scenario with his mum in the car when they were bringing me up home and she turned round and told us both how embarrassing it is listening to us when were at it... even though we're not we're just having a laugh and bouncing up and down on his bed like toddlers =)
Oh well, think I've written enough for today and I know I haven't blogged in weeks but I haven't had a lot to say...
Adios x
P.s by the way, in case your all wondering... M asked L about the whole scenario and as far as I know D doesn't know about it. And I have officially cut M back outta my life =) Where hopefully he shall stay as well as L and D. And also, I haven't quite forgiving my boyfriend about the january scenario but I guess I have to rebuild up my trust in him. Which as its me... will take months
x
Wednesday 13 May 2009
Wednesday 13th May
First blog... yay?!
Well I have the feeling I may have just ruined my ex best mates relationship with my ex boyfriends best friend (M) ... Its a long story... dunno if I should go into it yet or not...
Anyway, I emailed M like... on the 7th as he was on my mind. We fell out in 2007 over something stupid and I never fully understood why until today. But yeah, I emailed him saying how he was on my mind so I felt like emailing him and just pretty much told him that I wanted to know why we fell out.
So he told me... he didn't love me... he was IN love with me. And apparently it hurt him because he couldn't fight his emotions and he knew he couldn't have me and the only way for him to deal with it was to cut me out of his life. We were once best friends, more than best friends. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced this before but with me and him.. we could kind of just look at each other and know exactly what was going on... It use to freak people out because we'd have conversations through facial expressions.. Lips not moving at all just the eyes moving and then suddenly we'd start laughing at the same time instantaneously. Weird much?
But yeah, I burst into tears when I read it... and then decided to guilt trip him. So I told him I only stayed with his best friend so that I could see him, as I thought that if I broke up with him then I owuld never see M again. He didn't like that. So I then told him in another email that he should ask L and D (ex and best mate) what happened between them last march(2008) as D told me about a week after me and L had broken up, and at that time M still didn't know...
Well I emailed that,.... then regretted it so emailed him again and told him well begged him to ignore it and to just ignore me. Whether he does or not is an entirely different matter!
Well I have the feeling I may have just ruined my ex best mates relationship with my ex boyfriends best friend (M) ... Its a long story... dunno if I should go into it yet or not...
Anyway, I emailed M like... on the 7th as he was on my mind. We fell out in 2007 over something stupid and I never fully understood why until today. But yeah, I emailed him saying how he was on my mind so I felt like emailing him and just pretty much told him that I wanted to know why we fell out.
So he told me... he didn't love me... he was IN love with me. And apparently it hurt him because he couldn't fight his emotions and he knew he couldn't have me and the only way for him to deal with it was to cut me out of his life. We were once best friends, more than best friends. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced this before but with me and him.. we could kind of just look at each other and know exactly what was going on... It use to freak people out because we'd have conversations through facial expressions.. Lips not moving at all just the eyes moving and then suddenly we'd start laughing at the same time instantaneously. Weird much?
But yeah, I burst into tears when I read it... and then decided to guilt trip him. So I told him I only stayed with his best friend so that I could see him, as I thought that if I broke up with him then I owuld never see M again. He didn't like that. So I then told him in another email that he should ask L and D (ex and best mate) what happened between them last march(2008) as D told me about a week after me and L had broken up, and at that time M still didn't know...
Well I emailed that,.... then regretted it so emailed him again and told him well begged him to ignore it and to just ignore me. Whether he does or not is an entirely different matter!
D isn't in this but L is the guy at the back, then its H(M's best mate) then its M and then me... You'd think me and M were together...
On a different matter, my boyfriend G told me tonight that back in January this girl told him that she would trade him a cigarette for his friend... if he gave her a kiss. Now G's friend would kick off with him if he didn't get the cig... but the girl just gave him it anyway. However, later on they were sat outside, G , his mate and 3 girls. And the girl from earlier went over to him and sat on his knee and went 'you still owe me that kiss'. G however said he never agreed to it but the girl kissed him on the side of his mouth and G just screwed his eyes shut and tightened his lips...
Two reasons why I am annoyed... A) He didn't push her off of him to stop her and B) this was FOUR MONTHS AGO!!!! He should have told me sooner...
But yeah... thats me done for today, I'm too emotional at the moment to think of anything else to write and I also have 3 exams on friday... so yeah!
ADIOS!!!
Jo x
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